Have you ever imagined a bean? How is it oriented? What color is it? How large is the bean? Is it cooked, or uncooked? Inspired by the Bean Flat Rest Area, these are some of the questions that I have been asking each of my Spokes team members - except for Matt, who is on a cruise. Maybe the bean you imagine is the exact same bean that one of us imagines, and if you’re lucky, you’ll find your Spokes Soulmate.
What follows is an analysis of fellow cyclist responses, from which I will reach many seemingly unrelated, yet revelatory conclusions about the MIT Spokes Folks. We shall proceed in alphabetical order.
Alex
Orientation: C
Size: 1.5cm
Color: Green
State: Dry, “because you can’t hold up a cooked bean - it would mush”
Alex imagines a lima bean, of which I discovered there are three varieties: dwarf, small, and large. I would say that Alex strives to embody all three of these adjectives at once. His Venmo handle is @ShortAsianMaleAlex, illustrating striking self-awareness and confidence that small stature is nothing to be ashamed of. However, another one of Alex’s main goals is to get big. He goes on runs, constantly seeks protein, tries to sprint hills after 80-mile cycling days, pushes through sets of 500 push-ups at strange hours of the morning and night, and has taken to heart John Brenner’s advice to continue eating past the point of fullness to the point of sickness. Clearly, there is immense strength packaged into his 5’4” frame, uncontrollable in ways that I cannot imagine, because I’ve never accidentally smushed a bean in my hand.
An
Orientation: C
Size: 1.6cm (This is also approximately the size of an 8-week old fetus)
Color: Dark red
State: Dry
Everything about An’s imagined bean (which is a kidney bean, for those interested) screams “Life!!!” Think about it. The orientation of the bean - as upright as possible. In all renderings of an anthropomorphic bean, the bean is oriented as An’s. Some Googling revealed the aforementioned strange relation between kidney beans and 8-week old fetuses - life again. And the color dark red, the color of blood, that nutrient rich supply that courses through our bodies, propelling us ever forward, ever upward - coincidence? I think not. Since An’s return, rumour has it that she’s doled out at least 40 pump-up speeches, 140 high fives, and 440 “yas, girl’s.” Even the dryness of her imagined bean represents life - the vitality required to bike 6 miles uphill to our campground in the heat of the afternoon, with no water remaining in her two 24oz bottles. I would recommend against this strategy.
Annie
Orientation: C
Size: 0.8cm
Color: Black
State: Dry
I imagine beans as they should be imagined, although I must acknowledge that not all of us can conjure up the ideal “generic bean” for a variety of uncontrollable reasons. I forgive my teammates for their erroneous ways and hope that they eventually come around to the perfect 0.8cm C-oriented dry black bean.
Bethany
Orientation: Fetal position
Size: 1cm
Color: Kidney-bean colored, but it’s not a kidney bean
State: Dry
When Bethany imagines a bean, she also imagines the surface on which the bean rests. This all-encompassing mentality is very characteristic of Bethany, who has admitted that one of her favorite things to do is sit and think. It’s comes as no surprise that she would imagine a surface along with the bean, especially considering her background in physics. However, the ambiguous coloring of her imagined bean suggests that not all is certain. It’s the color of a kidney bean, but is not a kidney bean. Unsatisfied by this response, I probed further - what type of bean is it, then? Bethany was unable to provide an answer. Perhaps this explains her interest in political science and environmental policy; there are too many variables and unknowns to know how to label everything in the world, to know what is and what isn’t. The best we can do is make an approximation based on what we do know, and to move forward from there.
Delia
Orientation: U
Size: 2cm
Color: Black
State: Dry
It is fairly straightforward to extrapolate Delia’s defining characteristics from her imagined bean. It is quite large, suggesting that Delia has a “go big or go home” mentality that she applies to all sectors of her life - Fritos Scoops, field hockey, and especially SKisterhood. The orientation of her imagined bean is reminiscent of a see-saw, which is fitting since Delia seems to constantly be teetering between extreme competency and astounding immaturity. She is often the first to volunteer for various tasks such as driving, doing the laundry, organizing the van - anything that needs doing. And yet, she will joke and jest and sing and flap around with the exhausting energy of a toddler. Although the state of her imagined bean is dry, her mind is quite the opposite. Instead, it can be described as a never-ending fountain of song lyrics and memes.
Kate
Orientation: ∩
Size: 10cm
Color: Black
State: Cooked
From Kate’s survey results, we can immediately determine that she is not the norm. Although she imagines a black bean, along with the majority of our group, this is only a thinly-veiled attempt to conceal a very strong and unique personality. The orientation of the bean can easily be explained by Kate’s hometown of Glencoe, IL. In the natural world, one does not encounter beans that are ∩, balanced delicately upon their two rounded haunches to form an arc, like some strange protein-packed autonomous rainbow. However, such a bean - a very shiny and famous bean, in fact - is a prominent feature of nearby Chicago. The next characteristic to consider is Kate’s imagined bean’s doneness. It is cooked. This is where you know that something has gone off the rails. Maybe it’s all of the soccer, or all of the Fage 2% Greek yogurt, or the natural peanut butter, honey, and chocolate. We all know that too much of a “good thing” can be bad. Finally, there is the size of the bean. A whopping 10cm in length, because apparently, “I’m not going to imagine a small bean. If I were to imagine an elephant, I would shrink it to fill up the space in my brain.” She often makes statements such as these with a great deal of conviction, statements which are plausible only if you temporarily suspend all logic, a skill which Kate seems to have mastered.
Lisa
Orientation: U
Size: 1cm
Color: Dark brown
State: Dry
I would consider Lisa’s approximation of a bean to be fairly standard, although certain subtleties reveal aspects of Lisa’s character. First, let us inspect the color of said bean. A seemingly unoffensive dark brown. Nothing wrong with this. But wait. When you think about it, have you ever seen a dark brown bean? If you answered yes, you’re a liar, because coffee beans don’t count. Lisa approaches her imaginary bean with the trademark flexibility and strength of a dancer, albeit a crazy one, who wanders into forests in the middle of the Rocky Mountains as it rains, dancing to keep warm for three hours. Next, the bean’s orientation. The U shape suspiciously looks like a glass of milk, something that one should take great care to avoid when afflicted with lactose intolerance. Even so, Lisa is drawn to the seductive U shaped world of milk, cheese, ice cream, all things dairy, flinging aside inhibitions and inevitable regret, living fully in the moment, reveling in lactose-induced bliss, as a true artist should.
We hope you’ve enjoyed this deep dive into the minds of our Spokes team. Thanks for listening to NPR, and see you next time.